My Darling Angel,

I can not even find the words to begin.When I was a little girl,sitting on my knees in footed jammies, I would play with my dolls and dream of the day I would be your Mommy. We were connected mentally, before your birth and after your death. Of course, between you and I, we needed no words. A glance, a small movement, a key word mentioned, was all it took for our brains to connect. All this with out you being able to say a word, except when the occasional word like "bug" and "onion" would slip out when you did your excited talk. Even now, though you are no longer with me physically, I feel your presence because our bond was so strong.Everything I do or say is because of the influence you had on my life. You were my teacher. I am who I am today because of you. We had almost 27 wonderful years together.

I remember the day you were born. It was a crisp, cool, wet, fall day. Of course it was raining, we live in Seattle. That didn't dampen my spirits any though. My dream was going to finally come true. I was going to be a Mommy. My secret desire was to have a little girl. A little girl to dress in dresses and pink and to buy dolls for. My first hint that you were a girl was when they were checking on your position. You always liked to be different and you were going to start off right away doing just that. They found out you were a girl and breech at the same time. The moment arrived for my baby girl to be born. I knew you were a girl since you were arriving bottom first. This was it! This was the moment I was waiting for! Then I heard the worst sound I have ever heard in my entire life.......silence. Nothing. No loud baby cry. I asked the doctors questions, but they don't hear me or choose to ignore me. Doctors are rushing around all over. As I lay there, I'm screaming, "What is wrong with my baby!!!" Next thing I know I'm given a shot and taken from my darling beautiful baby girl. My Girl. Well, the doctors got you to breathing and I breathed a sigh of relief. The next day the doctors took your Daddy and I into this office. That is when they told me. "It doesn't look very good for your baby girl. She only has one chance in a hundred to live and if she does she will be nothing but a vegatable." I know Mindi, I know! You have heard this story before and this is where I am suppose to say, "She's not a vegatable, she's a turkey! When the doctors told us that, we decided to have you babtized and put in Gods hands. After a long night we went home to get some much needed sleep. The next morning the hospital called and they were all excited. You were doing wonderful things! You were pooping. You were peeing. Yes Baby Doll, these are wonderful things. At eleven days old, wearing a pink frilly dress, Mommy proudly walked down the hall of Childrens Hospital, and stepped in the waiting car with assistance from your Daddy.Yes, you did end up coming home, didn't you baby? Our Little Girl was coming home. Little did we know of the journay that lay a head of us........

'It wasn't easy at first baby. There was so much I didn't know. We had to learn together. The first six months were the roughest. We couldn't keep anything in your stomach and you were always crying. After you were started on solids you seemed to feel better. At the same time, six months old, your Doctor wanted me to take you in for an evaluation.I still remember, the first words out of the Doctors mouth was "Look at those eyes. She doesn't miss a thing." Those eyes of yours Mindi. Those big, beautiful, blue eyes.They were the essence of your body and soul. Your eyes were you. You talked with your eyes and you saw everything. With you around there were no lost dollies,blankies, or purses. Now they are all lost. I'd lose my headed if it wasn't screwed on. I can hear your laughter inside my head. You would have laughed at that. I have one I laugh at. You were two and being tested to see how cognative you were. You were sitting in my lap and they had a book in front of you. It had pictures in it and when they named an item, like ball, you were suppose to look at it. Of course you did it perfect,but not without pulling a joke first. They told you to look at the clock. Now mind you now, they didn't say "Look at the clock in the book". One look at your eyes and I knew you were up to something. A big grin started slowly spreading across your face as you turn your head and look at the clock on the wall. I think you passed the test and then some.Well Melinda, I just don't know what to do. All my adult life it was always me and you. It was YOU who helped me through my other losses. You who cheered me up when I was down. You who listened to me yak yak all the time. The footprints in the sand are me carrying you. We both know you can't push a wheelchair in the sand.You were my angel Mindi, on heaven and earth. I want to thank you for giving me such a wonderful life. I am so lonely as I walk the beach alone. My heart is broken and I miss you so very much. apart. The memory of you has left footprints on my heart. I miss you so very much. Will this get any easier? Happy Birthday my dear beautiful child.

Love, Mommy

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AngelMindi

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AngelMindi

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AngelMindi

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AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

AngelMindi

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